• Ali J. Varden

Battling Guilt as a Budding Author

I've been writing full time for about six months now and believe me when I say that it is the most difficult thing I've ever done. Don't get me wrong—being my own boss, deciding when to wake up, wearing my jammies to work, all of that is great. (Not to even mention the endless cat snuggles).

But it's hard not to feel like a drain on society when you feel like you're not contributing.

I'm hyper-aware that it's because of my husband's stable job through the U.S. Air Force that I'm able to chase this life-long dream of becoming an author and I'm thankful. But it's hard when people ask me what I do and all I can tell them is that I've been working on a novel that may never see the light of day.

But each and every day I'm working. I wake up every morning at 8 a.m. (okay, some days it's 10) and I go to my desk and I put in my time, even on weekends and holidays and the middle of the night because I'm hungry. I've never wanted something like I want to see a book I wrote on the shelf of a local bookstore.

And it may be hard, but I believe it'll be worth it. Because it'll be mine and that will be beautiful.

So, for as long as I'm able, I'm going to fight for this little world I'm creating and one way or another, it'll make its way into print. Because I have an amazing husband who reminds me that what I'm working on is worth my time and effort. Because I have an amazing family that has believed in me since I was a first grader attending the Young Authors' Conference, swearing I would never do anything but this.

Thank you to those who have believed in me and thank you to those who have yet to do so.

You haven't seen anything yet.

galaxy mural writing desk future is female coffee cup cozy creative space
My desk is one of my favorite places. It sits against a galaxy mural that my husband and I painted.

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